(8) Wilderness

Suddenly I'm at 8 songs... this is my first two-song posting day. (!)

This is one of those scribblings in a journal from a couple years ago that wouldn't leave me alone. First I just had some of the words and I sang them on a porch for someone who I don't think liked it very much. But even then, I didn't care. This is one of those songs that I never cared what anyone thought about it and still don't really. In it, I affirm my right to go into the wilderness to figure out who I really am. I affirm my right to run away, when necessary. And yours, too.

I am ready for the wilderness
And I am not ashamed
I cannot be tamed
I'm not done
I've found some kindness in the wilderness
Wild mothers pour their gifts
I want to give you some of this
When you come

I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
Runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards

So come and find me in the wilderness
I am drinking from this spring
I am taking everything as it comes
There's forgiveness in the wilderness
My arms around this oak
The trees become my cloak
and I run

I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
Runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards

And I don't know where I'm going but that's okay
I don't know where I going but that's okay
Step by step I'm finding my way

I'm not hiding in the wilderness
I am gathering some food
I am searching out the clues to
where I'm from
There is darkness in the wilderness
but I can hear my voice
better without the noise
and the sun

I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
Runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards

And I don't know where I'm going but that's okay
I don't know where I going but that's okay
Step by step I'm finding my way

(7) You will Find Your Way

Dear Listeners,

Here is number 7. I was working on the song about antifractuosity, but then this came out. I'm having serious thoughts about embarking on a real adventure next year that involves lots of mountains, desert, lakes, rivers and yes, bears and ticks for sure. That plan and this new song are works in progress...just like me. :-)

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep walking just the same

Put one foot ahead of the other

Sisters and Brothers let’s go

One step forward around the bend

What view will you see then? Who knows.

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep walking just the same

There are secret mountains

turquoise lakes with fountains

carved from the rocks and the wood

And you have to go find them

You have to go find them

Even if no one thinks you should

You’re not most frightened of the ticks or the bears

Don’t abandon your dreams and give in to fear

You can wade through the rivers you don’t have to drown

You can hike ‘cross the ice chutes without slipping down

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep walking just the same

And if you’re gonna quit

Do it on a sunny day

And if you’re gonna quit

Do it when your blisters heal

And if you’re gonna quit

Do it when you’ve quenched your thirst

Regret lasts a long lonely time

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep going just keep going

Follow the path

(6) Scarred Places

Every other day. That's what I've got to aim for now. But this is really not about perfect gems the whole point of the this is to get away from my inner critic...so I declare that fragments are okay. Single lines are ok. Older songs that I've reworked are ok. You are ok, no matter what anyone says. :-)

The places that are scarred
wind up harder than they were
before the fall
oh-oh- ohhh

The places that are scared
wind up harder than they were
before the fall
oh-oh- ohhh

So now instead averting my eyes
when I go by
the building where I was hurt
I will hold my head up high
I'll gaze proud and smirk

I'm not hard
I'm strong
I'm not hard
I'm bold
I'm not hard
I'm strong
I'm not hard
I'm bold.

(5) The Lightning Show

I said to Eric yesterday, early early in the morning, "I can still do it. It's only April 5th." Eric said, "Yes. You can. Especially if they aren't are perfect gems..." Here's 5 out of 30... 60 more days left for 25 more songs....

I don’t know what I think about God these days

I don’t know who to trust or when to be afraid

because sometimes my intuition’s wrong

That’s why I had to write this song

But what I truly know I know

Is that I used to watch the lightning show

The dust kicks up in the desert suburb

I’m called inside by my brown-haired mother

The wind chimes start goin' crazy mad

I’ll wait on the porch with my silver-haired dad

As the mountains get shrouded with purple clouds

We smell the rain before it ever comes down

We swimming in the pregnant air there’s fire up there

There’s sparks in the purple clouds and in my static hair

It was better than ice cream, better than TV,

perched on the sofa watchin' the lightning show

 from my family’s picture window

I think that the lightning show comes

With all its thunder

To say: You can be loud you are allowed to blunder

 To prove it’s ok to be speak out

And I think God telling me it’s allowed

She’s saying: Everyone should be able to speak out

He’s saying: Girls like you should be allowed to be loud

You are allowed to pour to weep to flash and to explode

 to crash to rumble and to moan

You are allowed run away or you can stay

You are allowed to have false alarms and to find the right arms to keep you warm

You are allowed to change your mind any any old time

And if you are wrong you're still allowed to write your songs 

Sometimes your intuition fails

And you are left, shivering in the hail

But you are still allowed to be loud

Everyone should be able --- to speak out

It was better than ice cream, better than TV,

perched on the sofa watchin' the lightning show

 from my family’s picture window