(13) Broken Dishes

It's incredible how many memories my mom's sake set and my grandpa's tea cups hold. The memories they hold are more important then their ability to hold food or drink.

I am moving next week and beginning to consider what I can let go of, both on the shelves and in my own soul.

At 13 songs now...I hope for another 1 or 2 today.... 13 more days! But if I don't make it by June 4th, fine, because this is for me.

Love from Mindy

There is a gallery of broken dishes at our house

Each one is like a shining hope transformed into a doubt

You bound them up with rubber bands and set them on the shelf

I’ll fix them when I can, you said, I don’t need any help

It’s time to let them go

There will be more broken dishes

It’s time to let them go

Just like all of our near misses

Let them go

We broke one of the sake cups my mom bought long ago

We cracked off some porcelain, black hair, yellow kimonos

Mom got it in England but it was made in Japan

You say someday you’ll glue it back together again

It’s time to let them go

There will be more broken dishes

It’s time to let them go

Just like all of our near misses

Let them go

The handles on the teacups didn’t want to stay attached

They came off during accidents or another shouting match

Blue snowflakes dance across the edge of those chipped white cups

My grandpa gave me those and I miss him oh so much

It’s time to let them go

There will be more broken dishes

It’s time to let them go

Just like all of our near misses

Let them go

There’s a gallery of broken dishes at our house

Each one is like a shining hope transformed into a doubt

Come my love, let’s take them all on down from the shelf

My love you are forgiven and now I need your help

(12) Look Closer

After seeing Fruitvale station, I've been thinking about my own prejudices. The ones that are way down deep that I don't mean to have, but do. Here's the 12th..


I want to look closer at you
I want to look closer at you
If I look closer at you
maybe you will stop and look closer at me too

I confess I have only skimmed the surface
I haven't really seen what's underneath
I confess I was afraid that you would hurt us
that's why I have not dared to look beneath

I want to look closer at you
I want to look closer at you
If I look closer at you
Maybe you will stop and look closer at me too

I confess I feel some trepidation
Opening my wounds for you to see
I am sure we'll have nervous conversation
As our tender trust begins to breathe

I want to look closer at you
I want to look closer at you
If I look closer at you
Maybe you will stop and look closer at me too

I declare this your holy invitation
To reach around the bounds of hate and fear
I declare this your blessed inspiration
To open up your eyes and your ears

The divine in me wants to touch the divine in you

(11) The Committee of Sleep

11. Same day as 10. Now we might be getting somewhere...




The committee of sleep
Mine
Meets every night between
my dark purple sheets
trasforming rough dead bard
into soft green moss cool to the the touch
ONLY
lately
The committee of sleep
seems to be going out for breakfast at 2 am
Leaving me alone
I can smell the maple syrup
they are pouring over their
buckwheat waffles
The smell is heavy
it's sweet and strong
But I cannot eat

I do not feel like eating
Instead I lie between the sheets
rustling -

My body becomes a coiled spring
ready to explode

Next to me lies a sleeping buddha
peaceful until I wake him up with my rustling
my wandering toe or my pound of the pillow
The smell becomes sour -

I lie itchy, wishing it was morning

desperate

Come back committee of sleep
All I do is think about
how dirty these sheets are
All I can do is go mad
until morning

Tomorrow night
I hope I'll be so tired that the committee of sleep
will not want to go out for waffles without me
I thought they were on my side
I think they are
But I miss the early mornings
getting up with the dawn

When my sleep committee refuses to remain present
I face the mornings wanly
at 9 or 10 am
Feeling shocked and sheepish that
it happened once again

It's hard

There are so many breakfast places
the sleep committee wants to try

All I can do is try again

(10) Birds Sang, then I slept

10. Sleep theme. Getting less afraid of the critic. That is all.




Last night I didn't sleep until the birds sang
Early in the morning, almost dawn
I laid awake they sang outside my window
And my thoughts tumbled low and deep and long

In the wee, small hours of the morning
I live through all my terrors and my dreams
What once was comfort's now's restriction
as I toss and turn under wadded sheets

My partner lays beside me like a buddha
I don't want to disturb but still I do
It's just that I feel hot and helpless
when you can sleep and I'm stuck watching you

In the wee, small hours of the morning
I live through all my terrors and my dreams
Through every promise that's been broken
and every itchy hurt that's in between

Last night I couldn't sleep until the birds sand
Early in the morning, almost dawn
In a way I admit that I was grateful
for the meant the dark night was almost gone

1/3 of the way...

(9) Dear Rejection...

9. That is all. And this little ditty...this little personification of "Rejection."

M

Dear Rejection…

Ah rejection dear rejection

Dear sweet rejection

Please don’t talk down to me

Don’t push me down the slope

And please do take note

My muse and I just eloped

We’re makin’ better things now

Than you ever have known

I will not be here

Hope it’s not too cold alone

Ah rejection dear rejection

Dear sweet rejection

Please don’t talk down to me

Don’t push me down the slope

And please do take note

My muse and I just eloped

Me and my muse

We’re going on a honeymoon

We’ll rub our feet on the sandy beach

We’ll stay up all night if we like
We'll eat escargot if it floats our boat

We’ll sleep in with all our might

Ah rejection dear rejection

Dear sweet rejection

Please don’t talk down to me

Don’t push me down the slope

And please do take note

My muse and I just eloped

Dear rejection --

So sad you cannot see a sunrise this bright

Spoken: Wish you were here

(8) Wilderness

Suddenly I'm at 8 songs... this is my first two-song posting day. (!)

This is one of those scribblings in a journal from a couple years ago that wouldn't leave me alone. First I just had some of the words and I sang them on a porch for someone who I don't think liked it very much. But even then, I didn't care. This is one of those songs that I never cared what anyone thought about it and still don't really. In it, I affirm my right to go into the wilderness to figure out who I really am. I affirm my right to run away, when necessary. And yours, too.

I am ready for the wilderness
And I am not ashamed
I cannot be tamed
I'm not done
I've found some kindness in the wilderness
Wild mothers pour their gifts
I want to give you some of this
When you come

I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
Runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards

So come and find me in the wilderness
I am drinking from this spring
I am taking everything as it comes
There's forgiveness in the wilderness
My arms around this oak
The trees become my cloak
and I run

I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
Runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards

And I don't know where I'm going but that's okay
I don't know where I going but that's okay
Step by step I'm finding my way

I'm not hiding in the wilderness
I am gathering some food
I am searching out the clues to
where I'm from
There is darkness in the wilderness
but I can hear my voice
better without the noise
and the sun

I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
Runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards
I am runnin' away and runnin' towards

And I don't know where I'm going but that's okay
I don't know where I going but that's okay
Step by step I'm finding my way

(7) You will Find Your Way

Dear Listeners,

Here is number 7. I was working on the song about antifractuosity, but then this came out. I'm having serious thoughts about embarking on a real adventure next year that involves lots of mountains, desert, lakes, rivers and yes, bears and ticks for sure. That plan and this new song are works in progress...just like me. :-)

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep walking just the same

Put one foot ahead of the other

Sisters and Brothers let’s go

One step forward around the bend

What view will you see then? Who knows.

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep walking just the same

There are secret mountains

turquoise lakes with fountains

carved from the rocks and the wood

And you have to go find them

You have to go find them

Even if no one thinks you should

You’re not most frightened of the ticks or the bears

Don’t abandon your dreams and give in to fear

You can wade through the rivers you don’t have to drown

You can hike ‘cross the ice chutes without slipping down

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep walking just the same

And if you’re gonna quit

Do it on a sunny day

And if you’re gonna quit

Do it when your blisters heal

And if you’re gonna quit

Do it when you’ve quenched your thirst

Regret lasts a long lonely time

You will find

You will find your way

You might not see just how

Keep going just keep going

Follow the path